Go for a Duke Legends Streaking Mission.......
You will need the following items - in a backpack
1 pair shorts / 1 tee shirt / 1 doughnut / 1 bologna sandwich / 1 blue gatorade / 1 cigarette lighter
You should also have the following, a go-pro or friends to record this legendary event, a good pair of running shoes (Asics, New Balance or Saucony are recommended and at least 2 pairs of good socks.
1) Start at the Entrance to Science Drive ..remove pants and shirt - Take off in a full sprint
2) Salute the zombies in the Law School, The vampires in Fuqua and the Future Bureaucrats and Federal White Collar Prisoners at Sanford. TURN LEFT ONTO TOWERVIEW
3) Up the hill towards Cameron allthewhile singing (to the tune of "Glory, Glory, Hallelujah"
"I WISH I WAS CHRISTIAN LAETTNER"
"I WISH I WAS CHRISTIAN LAETTNER"
"I WISH I WAS CHRISTIAN LAETTNER"
" MY BALLS ARE FREEZING OFF"
TURN LEFT to Cameron
4) Give the bust of Eddie Cameron a hug, a kiss and a noogie. Also, bonus points if you can steal the toboggan hat off of a u-grad and put it on Eddie. I mean, it's January and his head is made of bronze, he's effin Cold!
5) Pass Cameron on the Left Side of the Main Entrance run over toward Wallace Wade. Stop at the top, Jog in place for 30 seconds, check pulse,drink gatorade, Admire the big effin crater that is WWS. ABOUT FACE and Head back towards the Chapel. " Note, Should you pass anyone wearing bright Red, pat them on the shoulder and say "If you Can't go to College, Go to State!"
6) Cross over Towerview, into the parking lot and TURN Right, through the Gothic archways (Watch out, some of those steps are uneven.) When you come out at the Freshman dorms, Turn Left onto the main drag of Westy.
7) SEE the BENCHES (Large oversized). At full Run, Jump onto a bench, tumble or cartwheel to the end and dismount that shit like Kerri Strug! (Bonus for sticking a 1 foot landing) Repeat with at least 3 benches. ** Remember, the Russian and Latvian judges score higher for originality than degree of difficulty. RUN toward the Chapel Circle.
8) Run over to the Statue of James B. Duke - Offer him a light for his Cigar. Hold the flame up and recite Dylan Thomas' "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Goodnight". Turn RIGHT. Head toward BOSTOCK Library. ** NOTE - the squirrels in this area are not friendly - guard the acorns if ya know what I mean.
9) Enter the Library- Be vewy,vewy quiet Ask first person you see " Have you seen the Longfellow?"
10) Immediately leave Library and run back toward Chapel. By now Police and K-9 are onto you...Throw Doughnut at Officer, Bologna Sammich at Tank, Rex, Bruno, Max or Rambo or whatever sorry name Barney Fife gave to that poor mongrel.
11) Pass back by JBD Statue - Wave - Pump fist and Yell "Go to Hell, Carolina, Go to Hell".
12) Head toward Chapel on the Left Side - Pass the Divinity School - Cover your junk for Christ sake, there are future Priests about.
13) Down the Stairs on the left toward the Bryan Center - While on elevated crossway into the center ask random person "Who's your Daddy, Battier?" await acceptable response and continue on.
14) Enter Bryan Center - Bathrooms on immediate left. Re-pants and shirt yourself and enter student store. Vocally and repeatedly announce your intent to browse thoroughly and not to shoplift.
15) Find Clearance Rack sweatshirt, 2 sizes too small for you. Put it on. Ask cashier to ring you up while wearing said shirt. When she/he asks you to take off the garment, through a shitfit like a 2 year old and cry. Ask her if she / he thinks the shirt will stretch to fit?
16) Head Downstairs At Bryant Center - Purchase kung pow chicken at Panda with the Hottest Hot Sauce they have...ask for extra hot sauce and 2 ice cubes.. Eat all of said chicken while rubbing ice on your chest through your new extra extra small clearance priced sweatshirt.
17) Leisurely walk back toward Cameron Indoor, Basking in your Glory as a Duke Legend. Soak it in. When you get to CIS, run a lap around the building, hands up like Laettner after he nailed the "Shot" against UK!
18) Look up a good tattoo parlor and get the words "Duke Legend" Inked to celebrate, preferable somewhere visible to all (Adams Apple Region, Forehead, Across Knuckles, Grundel) YOU have earned the title, your are a Duke Legend, to be revered in the same voice with Hunter S Thompson, Tucker Maxx and those forbidden to disclose their Legendary status by Non Disclosure agreement, Cease and Desist order or fear of attack and retribution from PETA, (We returned the Lemurs, it was nothing a few Vitamin C Tabs , 2 goodys powders and some fingernail polish couldn't cure..In fact, they had a blast, especially at Tri-Sig (everyone else has - Thanks ladies).
19) Post Video evidence of Completed Legends mission
20) Await further instructions for initiation.
I hope this will enhance our Duke visiting experience!
