Know how to get a UNC grad off your front porch? Pay him for the pizza.
Tar Hole jokes
- Thread starter Canadian Dukie
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Or put up a sign that says “AFAM class here”
I missed this earlier. Now that would be some dinner date, Mac! Hart telling Roy...#you knew, Sky admiring HOF coach Roy Williams world class tie & sports jacket, and me taking pictures so I could use them to photoshop Ol'Roy. And of course, Roy trying to pay for his meal with all the timeouts he's accrued over the years. What a bunch of OFC'ers!
OFC
Roy: "Hey Hart are you the one who keeps signing off that I knew about the fake classes???"
Hart: "Of course not you @$$$ho##."
#RoyKnew
OFC
We'd give ol Roy a DEVIL of a time Dirt.....Heck I'll buy just so we can grill him!!
OFC
A UNC co-ed who was a practicing Catholic,had a dilemma,she wanted to have a baby,but did not want to get married.she went to her priest to seek his advice,he told her that nowadays it was more acceptable to have a child out of wedlock,he told her to "go forth and multiply"...as she left she was heard murmuring to herself...one times three is three...two times three is seven.......
UNC has named a new official mascot - possums because, like UNC, they get flattened on the road and freeze at home.
I might’ve posted this one before......
There was a fire in the unx library. Both books were burned before they could put it out.
There was a fire in the unx library. Both books were burned before they could put it out.
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.
In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.
The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "green side up!"
In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.
He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "green side up!"
The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing.
In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.
The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "green side up!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of UNC graduates laying sod across the street."
In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.
The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "green side up!"
In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.
He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "green side up!"
The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing.
In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.
The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "green side up!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of UNC graduates laying sod across the street."
Roy and his assistant, Steve Robinson were out playing golf one day. They were driving out to hit their second shots when Roy went to hit what he thought was his ball. Steve said "hold on coach, that's my ball." Roy said "no it's not Steve!" This went on and was getting heated just as the ranger was riding up.
He drove over and asked what the heck was going on. Roy was red, and said "Dadgum fool was about to hit my ball!" Steve slammed his club down and said "Roy that's my da%* ball!" The ranger stepped in between them and said, "I'm gonna make this real easy, "which one of you is hitting the GREEN BALL."
He drove over and asked what the heck was going on. Roy was red, and said "Dadgum fool was about to hit my ball!" Steve slammed his club down and said "Roy that's my da%* ball!" The ranger stepped in between them and said, "I'm gonna make this real easy, "which one of you is hitting the GREEN BALL."
I don't want to derail the thread, but I've always wondered, what parts of the country say 'ranger', and what parts say 'marshal'? I've never heard someone say 'ranger' in California or Arizona.
Real tragedy was that all the pages had not been Colored in
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Latest joke by BillyL .... we're going to land Zion.
Roy Dies and Goes to Hell
One day in the future, ok Roy has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Roy thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over. He dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," Roy said, "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledge- hammer and a room full of huge blocks of various-sized chunks of iceberg. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with doing actual work of any kind. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was work all day, commented Roy.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Roy saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Roy looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah, man, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said...........
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
One day in the future, ok Roy has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Roy thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over. He dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," Roy said, "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledge- hammer and a room full of huge blocks of various-sized chunks of iceberg. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with doing actual work of any kind. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was work all day, commented Roy.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Roy saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Roy looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah, man, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said...........
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
One day in an elementary school in Chapel Hill, NC, a teacher asks her class if the North Carolina Tar Heels are their favorite basketball team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Johnny.
The teacher asks, "What's your favorite basketball team, little Johnny?"
Little Johnny exclaims, "The Duke Blue Devils!"
The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"
Little Johnny replies, "Well, my dad is a Duke fan and my mom is a Duke fan....I guess that makes me a Duke fan."
The teacher angered by his reply asks, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"
Little Johnny says, "Well, I guess then I would be a Tar Heels fan."
The teacher asks, "What's your favorite basketball team, little Johnny?"
Little Johnny exclaims, "The Duke Blue Devils!"
The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"
Little Johnny replies, "Well, my dad is a Duke fan and my mom is a Duke fan....I guess that makes me a Duke fan."
The teacher angered by his reply asks, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"
Little Johnny says, "Well, I guess then I would be a Tar Heels fan."
Do you know why Carolina fans don't drink kool aid?
They can't figure out how to get 2 quarts of water in that little envelope.
They can't figure out how to get 2 quarts of water in that little envelope.
Roy walks into the vet's office with his 120 lb male german shepherd,low and behold,there's coach K sitting on a couch with his 120 lb male german shepherd...roy says "how's it going mike? what brings you here?" K says "my dog keeps mounting up on me,so I'm here to get him neutered"Roy says "oh,my dog does the same thing" K says "oh,so your here to get your dog neutered too?" Roy says "no I'm here to get his nails clipped!"
Ol Roy was sitting in a bar the other night, all down after the beating the Hokies gave his team when up walked this gorgeous blond with a body to die for. She sat down next to him. They started talking, and Roy asked her what brought her to this bar. She said she was a nympho and had never had sex in a bar. Roy spit his drink out, gathered himself as she kept talking.
"Do you know who the most well endowed man is?" Before he could answer, she said the Native Indian. Roy was dumbfounded, more than he normally is. She said the best lover is the Mexican, but the man with the most stamina is hands down the Southern Redneck.
Roy was sweating profusely, she looked over at him and said "I'm sorry, but I've went on about myself and I don't even know your name. Looking thru fogged glasses, he said "Tonto, Tonto Rodriguez, but everybody calls me Bubba!"
"Do you know who the most well endowed man is?" Before he could answer, she said the Native Indian. Roy was dumbfounded, more than he normally is. She said the best lover is the Mexican, but the man with the most stamina is hands down the Southern Redneck.
Roy was sweating profusely, she looked over at him and said "I'm sorry, but I've went on about myself and I don't even know your name. Looking thru fogged glasses, he said "Tonto, Tonto Rodriguez, but everybody calls me Bubba!"
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